Tactical errors in advertising

Advertising vocabularies differ depending on what's being sold. A sports car doesn't get the same write-up as a family saloon, and a laptop computer isn't described in the same high-tech language as an iPod. But there are some words which have crossed genres, and now seem to be applied with blind enthusiasm in the most unlikely places.

My current favourite is tactical.

You'll find it defined on Answers.com in various ways, but they quote the current U.S. Military Dictionary, which for this LJ entry seems more appropriate than most.

tactical, adj.

Designed or implemented so as to gain a temporary limited advantage: short-range.

1. of, relating to, or constituting actions carefully planned to gain a specific military end.

2. (of bombing or weapons) done or for use in immediate support of military or naval operations. Often contrasted with strategic.

This once-military-only term has since moved, via business, into more-or-less everyday use, but it's slipped its leash and like an unruly dog, is leaving traces of its passage in places where it shouldn't be allowed to go. (Mind your feet.)

There are a lot of websites which sell military, paramilitary and pseudomilitary paraphernalia. A lot of it is solidly practical: no matter how my-country-right-or-wrong patriotic they might be, everyone in the armed services is aware, sometimes uncomfortably so (such as when, just after takeoff, only 300 feet up and thus too low to bale out of a non-ejector-seat aircraft, the engine makes a small apologetic noise you've never heard before and don't want to hear again any time soon) that their ship, tank, plane, uniform, boots and weapon have all been build down to a budget by the lowest bidder. Small wonder they like to augment at least their personal equipment with something apparently better than issue kit.

Some of those non-issue items are described on websites that are both serious and sensible; others seem to be little more than a stage for testosterone-fuelled macho posturing. The level of aggression in the way items are described is a fair way to judge, though sometimes even the sensible sites get so over-excited they need a cold shower and a lie-down.

One word both sorts of site fling around with wild abandon is tactical, and even those who are a lot closer to "tactical reality" have noticed how silly things are getting. Tactical knives, tactical torches (flashlights), tactical pens (yes, really) tactical equipment webbing, tactical vests (multi-pocket military rather than Monty Python string). All very well, I suppose - but when you find the word being applied to the other sort of vest, as well as socks and underpants (Google for "tactical underwear" - you will find it) you do start to wonder whether the copy-writers need to be beaten around the head with a good military dictionary. The trouble with buzzwords is that they eventually become as annoying as any other buzz, be it feedback, mosquito or mechanical flaw, and are either ignored, swatted or fixed so that it can't be heard.

Of course, there are always those boxer-shorts with a little pocket for condoms, but though wearing such undies might provide "a temporary limited advantage at short range", I don't think tactical is quite the word for any subsequent encounter. And if it is, I don't want to know the details, thank you very much. "Fix bayonets..." "Present arms..." Oh dear oh dear.

The real problem with "tactical garments" isn't that the word (military in origin, remember) is misplaced when all this kit is worn by civilian wannabes. It's that with obesity being the problem it is, the civilians are frequently sometimes more, let's say circumferentially enhanced, than would be tolerated in the services. That's why I think military-style clothing made available to the civilian market shouldn't be listed as "tactical" after about size XL.

We're looking at the bigger picture here, so let's call them strategic - and in cases where "waistline" is more like "equator" we could even go as far as global.

Truth in advertising? I wait with bated breath.